Feeding yourself through big grief and activation
Grief is its own ride, and we follow the rhythms of its process whilst needing to maintain our responsibilities. In this time of big grief & pain, feelings of confusion and helplessness, and taking action that supports human lives with intention and care, we also still need to tend to our bodies as best we can. This will mean many different things depending, and you are the one that knows best what tending means for you, moment to moment, day to day. It could mean asking for a hug, making yourself a tiny bit cozier in each moment, taking a bath, taking a nap, watching a favorite show, self massage, booking a massage, yoga, meditation, putting your feet on the grass, closing your eyes and putting a hand to your heart, snuggling your pet, there are so many ways we can show up for and tend to our human vessel.
Be gentle. If you are in eating disorder recovery or have a history of an eating disorder, it can feel particularly complex and stressful when our hunger cues and our appetite isn’t what we expect it to be, which is what happens when our nervous system is activated. It is normal to not feel hunger cues, to have low appetite, and or to eat for comfort and feelings of security. It’s all okay. It’s also okay to feel overwhelmed, to not be able to “keep up”, to feel your feelings, to need help, to ask for help, to take a mental health day. Be gentle as best you can, keep coming back to a saying that feels resonate: “It’s not your fault”, “It’s okay to need support”, “I am deserving of time and space and rest and food”, “I am deserving of comfort and ease”.
If you are experiencing a loss of appetite and having a difficult time with hunger cues, some people find it helpful to set alarms at 3-4 hour intervals when your body needs fuel. Some easily digestible foods that can help nourish in this state are things like meal replacements (ensure, boost, carnation instant breakfast), instant oatmeal packs, cereal, soups, easy and yummy snacks throughout the day. If you are able to accommodate yourself with meal delivery this can be helpful if the logistics of meal prep are too much. Aim for ease and enjoyment if possible, otherwise aim for “enough” if possible. You might find that you are turning to food for comfort and feelings of security, which is such a normal response. You are allowed to eat for comfort, you are allowed to eat to feel a sense of security and calm. Eating is not an equation, we are not machines. Soften into your humanity.
Your body is sturdy and resilient. It will be okay if you can only do the bare minimum for some time. Be gentle with yourself. You matter in this, and perfectionism is a damn lie. There is no “perfect” way to eat, or be human. Take care with you, your community, and the way you tend to both.
My body has felt the last few weeks, from a place of immense privilege in the safety of my apartment. I’ve been needing more time alone, more rest, and I have not been keeping up with the functionality of my home and chores. I’ve been working, calling, emailing, and discussing in honor of a ceasefire and opening of the border for humanitarian aid to Gaza, and connecting with my community for support/ to lend support and to feel the grace of love, and feeding myself the best I can. Reminding myself it’s enough and it’s not, and leaning on support while I wade through the griefs in my personal life alongside the griefs of the collective. Stay tender and true, your healing matters. When we are embodied, when we move from our heart space, we refuse to tolerate injustice and terror.
Trust your body, trust your process.